Ten years ago I was a miserable high school teacher in Phoenix, AZ. I knew with certainty that I didn’t want to be a traditional teacher anymore, but I didn’t know how to let my career go.
I was so deep in the ‘shoulds’ of life, I could barely think for myself.
I should keep this secure job.
I should be grateful for the sacrifices my parents made to send me to college.
I should stay for my students.
I shouldn’t feel this way.
I was much more concerned with catastrophizing than I was about trusting my intuition.
I don’t know about you, but my intuition never lets me off the hook.
As time went on, the career became more difficult to hold on to. My intuition knew I wasn’t listening, and kept turning the volume up louder and louder.
The more I ignored what I already knew, the more miserable I became. I felt trapped, bored, confused, disappointed and frustrated every single day.
My intuition was trying to guide me, but I was too scared. I was afraid that I would ruin my safe and secure life by trusting my inner-voice.
But all my intuition was doing was alerting me that I had outgrown that season in my life. Distress always indicates that attention needs to be paid.
I was desperate to find more joy, and more inspiration—my life was filled with too much misery. I felt like I was living the same boring day over and over again—I was not longer growing.
I took myself to to Europe for six weeks after the school year ended in an attempt to see if a change in environment would give me clarity.
I traveled alone to New York City for a few days before arriving in Munich, Germany where, after a several days of navigating on my own, I met with a friend of mine.
From there, we traveled the French countryside to Prague and back to Paris to celebrate my 30th birthday.
I had given myself a deadline of my birthday to decide if I would return to my teaching career the next school year.
When I sent my letter of resignation while sitting in my hotel room in Paris, I was afraid and relieved. I knew that staying in that career was slowly killing me and that if I didn’t take a leap, I would continue to spin in circles.
Looking back, I see that my season as a teacher ended because I had given all I could to the community and students. I wan no longer inspired and no matter what I tried to do to re-inspire myself—the season was over.
I believe that my students deserved a teacher who wanted to be there, and I deserved to find a new environment to inspire my growth.
I truly believe that the whole point of growing and expanding is to light the way for someone else. All my years of teaching taught me that the best way to be role model is through your choices and mindset.
Our ability to inspire others comes from our own willingness to face fears, do the hard stuff and let go of season that no longer serve us—otherwise, we are just holding on to rotting fruit.
Sincerely,
Ashley
Advice from Mother Nature:
Pay close attention to signs of distress. There are always indicators that something is off; and the sooner addressed, the better.
A plant can’t survive in total darkness. In order to grow, there must be sunlight.
Plants have specific, non-negotiable growth conditions. Growth will always be stunted if in the wrong environment.
Living beings are born to grow. The opposite of growth is deterioration.
The point of growth is to give away your fruit. Evolving is the most natural form of benevolence.